Killer Lizard Attacks News Reporter

Father Teaches Son to be Mega Man

Sports Reporter Fail

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

Me and My Boss

When I take a long time to finish, I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough,

When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wandering around.

Scientists warned that the increase in big-eaters means more food production — a major cause of CO2 gas emissions warming the planet. [ via thesun.co.uk ]

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. 'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!' He slams the door and returns to bed. 'Who was that?' asked his wife. 'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers. 'Did you help him?' she asks. 'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!'

(% represents the csh, $ represents the bourne shell) % "How poorly would you rate the Unix (so-called) user interface?Unmatched ". % rm congressional-ethicsrm: congressional-ethics nonexistent % ar m Godar: God does not exist % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?Missing ]. % ^How did the sex change^ operation go?Modifier failed. % If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?Too many ('s. %make loveMake: Don't know how to make love. Stop.